To Australia
A stack of forms, a pen and one night was all it took. A few months later, I found myself holding a letter that said, “Letter of Offer” staring right at me. I am going to Australia and I have to accept the offer within a month. The decision was an easy one.

A farewell, a luggage, a bag pack and a best friend by my side, two months later, I found myself in Adelaide. Tired but thankful. Sad but Excited.

3 years
It was probably some of the best times of my life.

I promised myself, I’d jump on every boat and go every directions stretching myself to the max – crawling, dancing, waddling or flying through it all. I did it. I dug and crawled through muddy caves, camped out in the middle of nowhere for a few days, traveled to the most western and eastern tip of Australia, swam in the Murray River late one night and walked over 30km through the outback passing goats, kangaroos, emus, goanas and wallabies.

Conferences and summits I presented and attended. Inspiring people I met.

Inspiring people.

Meeting these people gave me a sense of hopefulness and a sense of usefulness. Their battles with their demons inspire me to no end. Supporting and seeing them through their treatments, seeing them get better gives me a sense of pride. Through their adversities and achievements, I find strength. I understand hope.

The High
It was all flying high and heading towards the right directions; or so I thought. I received my degree with three academic achievement awards, I moved to a city where I found endless opportunities and met some of the most capable beings.

Entrepreneurs, social innovators, independent artistes – their potentials and capabilities blew my mind.

The Low
Yet, it was in a crowd of screaming kids that I found myself questioning my direction. I was at a gig a few months back and just a few minutes before being stuck in between the screaming kids, I found myself standing in front of a lady taking the bullets for my colleagues. It hurts, but better to have one person swallow the bitterness than everyone together.

Where was I heading? Who am I?

It was 4am. One wet, cold and serene morning. I found myself wide awake after stupidly consuming a cup of coffee at dinner. I wrote a message to a friend. In that, I said:

Many times in life, we are convinced of the things that never were. And it is pretty difficult to break away from the mindset. Sometimes we are so convinced that regardless of what reality shows us, or what our loved ones tell us, we fail to see them.

This week has been a week of discovery for me. I think these few months, I have forgotten who I was and what I am capable of. It wasn’t until just a few minutes ago, a friend of mine sent me a document which he needed my help checking that I realised how brilliant I actually was. In the document were some stuff that I have written for his project which he has just picked up again. I couldn’t quite believe it was written by me, because no way in the world I would have written something like that today.

It makes me think, you know, in between our journey in search for a better place and a better person, we often forget where we’re actually heading and sometimes we lose ourselves too. Looking back sometimes hurts.. hurts bad but many a times, if we are able to look back and think how can we use our past to guide us, not mould us, we can actually be a better person and stay to our direction.

The Hit
People who knows me well, know that I don’t take my own advices for all the wrong reason.

One advice I gave to a close friend constantly a few months ago was, “Be careful of the people you trust” and it was that very advice that gave me a slap in the face.

Soon after, I realised that I might have to move out of Australia. I sat here every night trying to find every possible way for me to remain in Australia should that become true. Yet, time isn’t on my side. Work has been hectic and emotionally, its just been a hodgepodge of lows. Mentally, I have been working out what all these mean to me.

Where is this heading? Who am I right now? And who are my friends?

“Not once was I even remotely aware that at the far dark corner which would greet me at the end of the alley stood a brick wall. So confident was I of this egress that I strode along the alley not bothering to carry a torch, only to run into the wall and repeatedly smash my nose against it because I was so convinced that somewhere on that brick wall where light doesn’t reflect off, there has got to be another door that would lead to my absolution. Alas! I was in the dark, and it was only when I felt the warm, sticky blood trickling down my nose did I finally accept the fact that I might have chosen the wrong opening.”

I’m tired.

The lies, the deception, the betrayal and false hopes. The act, the genuine act, the fake act. The judgments, the interpretations, the perceptions and the impressions.

I surrender.

I thank you so much for following my blog – if you still do – I still check the stat from time to time.

Through thick and thin, and this crazy journey of university many of you blog readers have been through it with me. Support, words of wisdom, meet-ups and all the fun you guys provided me will be very much treasured and valued. Afterall, many of you have been a huge parts of my life – constantly inspiring me to achieve more and seek happiness in this crazy battles. I will definitely stay in contact, and I hope you do too. For those of you who haven’t added me on Facebook, its www.facebook.com/ehonchan so there’s no reason not to keep in touch.

Much love.

I have spoken to her twice since then and both times, she’s made the effort to remind me that I have not updated my blog, so here I am.

So, I promised pictures of the anything BUT clothes housewarming party that we had at our pad. I lied. But here are three photos that pretty much sum up the night of drunkards, boxes, garbage bags, duct tapes, a flag, scrubs, towels and lots of fun.

I can’t even remember what I have been up to since my last blog post, but I have been busy setting up www.socialentrepreneurship.com.au and www.newsunlimited.com.au both of which still need some work. I also travelled to Adelaide for a week and a half just for fun. Well, mainly, because a group of my friends have been rather upset and/or stressed, depending on how you see it, over a situation and I thought I’ll try to bring some craziness into their life – not sure if I manage to do it. But I know was it was all a surprise and I am glad it did kind of work out to how I wanted it to be. Everyone gathered at a friend’s house for a gathering of some sort, and I rock up. 2 seconds silence and everyone broke into screams of “WTF are you doing here?!” and a rugby tug that almost killed me.

I flew from Adelaide into Sydney for a two-days meeting, Connecting Up Conference 09 in Brighton Le Sands, the Australian Community ICT Awards, the world famous Happiness and Its Causes Conference 2009, Inspire’s Chairman End of Financial Year Drinks.In between those, 33 and I managed to squeeze in a visit to Bondi, Manly Beach and to some flea markets.

I flew back to Brisbane at 8.00am on a Sunday morning and was picked up by Sarah who brought me straight to the Norweign Constitutional Day’s parade.

I got a job at the Teaching and Educational Development Institute at University of Queensland doing education research and evaluation. I also travelled up to Warwick, a small town about 2 1/2 hours away from Brisbane, for the Mazda MX5 Nationals. It was a really good experience watching a motorsport full of adrenaline and all that. Especially good when we get the behind-the-scene because Ash was racing.

Ben came down for a visit  and we drove up to his parents’ west of Queensland. And before he left, he made me enough food to last me for a few days! But most impressive of all, he made pisang goreng, which I still find really amusing and impressive. Not only the fact that he’s never seen nor tasted pisang goreng before, but they turned out perfectly – just like how pisang goreng should be like!

Since coming back Sydney, I am still attending gatherings and meets.Sam came a-visiting from Melbourne the day after I arrived in Brisbane, and she stayed the night. Manage to meet up with Kirsty and Mathew as well which was awesome!

I also went to Lismore in NSW – thank god daylight savings’ over – over the Easter break. Its about 3-4 hours drive from Brisbane and I stayed with Sarah’s family.

Had the most awesome pie in Australia! Award-winning apparently.

I also had a housewarming party last Friday and the theme was anything BUT clothes. I will write a proper post on this one soon.

Since my last post I have had some rather interesting, crazy weeks including doing some stuff for Reach Out at National Youth Week, attended some incredibly inspiring sessions at Ideas Festival and met some amazing people at an Edgeware reunion. I have also done some shooting and producing some websites as well for a few projects I’m working on with my friend. All these have slowly move my scientific brain towards an entrepreneur.

The difference between an entrepreneur and a scientist is, given money, scientists will use them for research but entrepreneur will use them to make more money. Ha!

A big shout out to Jane Ryder for her inspirating words which have given me a brand new definition of creativity!

***

I just got back from Sydney last night. I was ridiculously tired, but it was a good trip.

I flew in Sunday morning with Meke and hung out with three kool kids – Eddy, Chris and Nick.

Played tourist for a day.

Fun to be able to catch up with these people again – Eddy who always have energy to share, Chris who always have some wisdom to pass on and Nick who always have some sarcasm and jokes to spare.

Monday and Tuesday were filled with meetings. Monday was a bit more full-on in a room with a few CEOs and Chairmans of various organisations. We were on a tight schedule but it was a really productive day.

We had the honour of having Professor Tim Sharpe from the Happiness Institute, otherwise also know as Dr. Happy to talk to us about positive psychology and application of it. It was a really reality check for many people, I believe and a totally enlightening talk, especially when it was rather from a rather realistic view of things.

Tuesday wasn’t the best day, but we did get things done at the end of the day. I wasn’t particularly excited with our product on the second day, but its one of those days when you have either some thing or nothing, so it was better to have a product that’s do-able at the end of it.

Aight, end is this entry right here. Waiting for Sam to arrive from Melbourne and picking her up from the train station.

That is exactly what happened Andy McInnes. His son, Rory McInnes, has just watched a Google Earth Documentary. Google Earth takes pictures of the earth from a satellite, so he thought it’ll be funny to see a giant penis on his house’s roof. Rory, armed with a bucket of paint and a brush, climbed to his rooftop and painted a giant penis, and for the next 12 months, only he knew about it.

When the local newspaper called his dad, his dad was puzzled. A call to Rory had him burst out laughing, and said, “Oh, you’ve found it then!”

Funny news – check it out here.

How would YOU have reacted?

***

I broke my phone (again) a few days ago whilst buying groceries. I dropped it while I was paying, and the screen just went blank. And then yesterday, my laptop decided to stop working – it did work for a bit, but it was really slow, and kinda bizzarely behaving, so I backed up all my files and reformatted it this morning. However, I just realised I didn’t back up all my work emails in my Microsoft Outlook!

I’m all settled down in Brisbane, and just applying for jobs right now. I’m flying into Sydney next weekend (Sunday) for a meeting on Monday and Tuesday. Flying back on Tuesday night, and on the 17th of April, Luke and Liam are coming a-visiting from Adelaide. My (with my housemates) housewarming party is also on the 17th of April, with the theme “anything BUT clothes” – which means, you can wear anything you like except clothes. If you’re in Brisbane, or is willing to fly in for the event, let me know!

So, I’m pretty much all settled in and ready to roll!

***

I used to be very involved with the Malaysian Red Crescent Society, and used to appear on newspapers quite a bit for that. And then, a few years later, I was involved in a movie production and again, was in the papers quite a bit for that as well.

The last time I appeared on the papers was for the Australian-Malaysian Business Council Merdeka Award where I was in Malaysian and Australian newspapers. But never have I appeared on any magazines or journals before.

But as of early this week, I did!

I can take pictures of the mag/letter from the hard copies I have, but its just a bit ridiculous since you can view it by itself online from VicHealth’s website. I’m impressed that the lady at VicHealth who sent me two hard copies of the letter actually recognise me and found me amongst the hundreds in Page 2. I’m also in Page 5 looking like a woman, with lips redder than Rosalynn Carter next to me, who is the wife of former US President, Jimmy Carter.

Then on Page 26 is an article Krista wrote. Krista’s such an intelligent and wonderful journalist – she asked us some really interesting questions, and kept us posted about the article’s progress. So, there. Go read.

***

Research has recently show that showing key to happiness is to feel grateful to yourself – and appreciate things you have done. What are you grateful about?

Something that is able to comfort the soul – whether you’re happy or sad, lonely or popular. A hug speaks to a person more than any words, sometimes.

And that is exactly what a man set out to do many years ago on a busy street/mall in Sydney.

His name is “Juan Mann”.

It was a really really simple ‘campaign’ that quickly turned into an international phenomenon. Juan Mann was going through a tough time, and when he moved back to Australia, he found himself feeling alone. And at a party one day, a random came up to him and gave him a random, simple hug (How many of us have that?! I know I do.). And it made his day! So, with a simple black and white sign, he went on the street and gave hugs. For free!

Free is good.

His friend, a member of an Australian band, Sick Puppies recorded it and made it into a video which he sent to Juan Mann as a gift when his grandmother passed away. And the video was uploaded onto YouTube and since then, it has become one of the most viewed, highest rated videos on YouTube of all time!

Its inspiring, its moving, its something that human wants! That hug, that hug that breaks the barrier or the term ‘stranger’ between every human on the street. Its humanity.

The Free Hugs campaign quickly travelled worldwide with Free Hugs held in, dare I say, every single country in the world. From Malaysia to Israel, Belgium to Taiwan. YouTube Free Hugs <insert any country name> and you’ll get a video of it.

I wanted to organise a Free Hugs for ages but never got around to doing so. The closest I got, two years ago when I was in Kuching, I was told that I cannot do it in this shopping centre I wanted to do.

So one very random night, the four devils (33, Sharon, Deano and I) whose been hanging out until dawn for the past two weeks, decided to go karaoke. We were gonna go to this dodgy public karaoke bar, but it was closed so we ended up in K-Box on Hindley Street. We sang to ‘Billie-Jean’, screamed to ‘So What’ and I sang ‘All the Same’.

Inspired by the song and video clip, Deano dared us to do Free Hugs like right at the moment. It was 3.30a.m. We were on a street where every second shop is a bar or club, there were druggies and drunkards on every corner and we were gonna do Free Hugs.

So we left karaoke, found some cardbox on the street and scribbled, ‘FREE HUGS’ using a texta 33 brought with her. And the FREE HUGS began. It took a while to get rid of the inhibition but once we got started, we were on.

The first one is a guy who were so drunk I doubt he remembers giving us a hug. A taxi even stopped, came down and we gave him a hug! Then we hugged a couple other taxi drivers before we arrived at Pancake House to find that they don’t do their unlimited pancakes anymore.

So we left and hugged a muso – clad in a 70s rockstar costume, alcohol breath, silver hair and beard – who also gave us a kiss on the cheek. He was carrying a guitar and from his very tight, long hug, you can tell the loneliness he felt. He even took off his hat, and thanked us profusely after the hug.

We went on with the hugs – there were no judgement! Everyone who wants it gets a hug, I don’t care. I even hugged a guy who was clearly stoned, and two guys who were so interested in our Free Hugs movement we chatted for at least 20 minutes! Both of them have just got back from Future Music Festival. And one of them speaks French!

Of course, there were randoms and some who rejected our hugs like a guy sitting outside a hotel and the guy working at Maccas.

Our Free Hugs ended when two men, very smartly dressed in suits received some much needed hugs from us and told us that they had a traumatising night. They were eating Big Mac outside this restaurant and were telling us how they overheard a group of people wanting to bash them up – someone just got stabbed to death in that area last week, and there is fights around there every single week. We’ve seen one-too-many of them. And not wanting to risk our lives, we thought we’ll go home and make pancakes cos I was effing hungry!

So we went off to Coles, poked jokes at everything and anything, and bought some pancake mix. We even hugged the chick behind the counter and went back to Deano’s where all of them made pancakes and I snoozed. Hehe. They woke me up when it was ready though.

Aaah. T’was a good night, and definitely an interesting night. What started as an impromptu karaoke session turned into an interesting, inspiring night.

Now, I dare you to do Free Hugs in your area – whether in your university, in the hospital, somewhere! Just grab some friends who’d do it!

FREE HUGS! Anyone?

One of my biggest fear is death, not so much death itself, but the notion of losing someone. Worse is if its someone close, someone we love.

I never liked saying good-bye, and I don’t know how to say it. I say, see-you-agains, yet, many-a-time, I think, I probably wouldn’t see you anymore.

If I have any philosophy to life, its that I can die the next minute.

About 5 years ago, I made a decision that changed my life. I chose to move out of home, and to a town about an hour away from my hometown. The night before I left, I found myself sitting in the lounge staring into the living room through the dim street lights that managed to sneak in through the stained window. There was, but silence.

Four years ago, when I was ready to bid Miri farewell and move to Kuala Lumpur, I cried. I cried because I know I wouldn’t see many of these people again, and that became true. I cried because I felt that Miri was sort of the starting point of my life. It was there that I found me, and it was there where I lay the stepping stone to discover who I am and who I want to be.

Three years ago, I made the very difficult decision to explore unfamiliar territory. I decided to move to Adelaide, Australia. OK, it probably wasn’t that difficult, but it was scary at that time. The night before I left, I drove all around Kuching for 2 hours, thinking this could be the last time I see Kuching from a perspective of a local who spent ALL his life there.

Last night, I spent the night sitting on the beach listening to a boy telling me of his dream. His dreams of possibilities. The spark in his eyes and the enthusiasm in his voice illustrates his passion. And later that night, or early this morning, I spent the night watching another boy trying to explore his own world. As weird as that sound, it was an interesting night getting to know him as him. Sometimes, its good to give it a think, how many friends do we know, but we know them from what they try to portray.

Adelaide changed my life forever! The decision itself and the three years I spent in Adelaide have made me realise my passion, my capabilities and my potentials. These three years, I have made so many crazily awesome friends, and friends who will be a huge part of my life in times to come.

Saying good-bye last night wasn’t at all easy. There were tears behind my eyes I tried to hide, whilst hugging some people that meant the most to me at the airport. They have been there through thick and thins and not only provided with everything I ever needed but things I don’t need. They helped me in every humanely possible way and they are my family.

But sometimes, there are things that just have to happen, otherwise, we don’t move on. We don’t move out of our comfort zone! So, Brisbane.. hopefully will turn out to be a land of opportunities for me to change and grow. A land where I can learn more of myself.

If there is one thing I learn from moving so often, its the fact that every place I move to, I feel like I get a brand new beginning to life because I start building an identity all over again. No one knows me and I have a blank canvas to paint. And this time, we’ll see what turns out.

It’s been one of the most interesting week I’ve ever had.

Firstly, for those who don’t know, I am moving to Brisbane and I am moving away next week. Next Wednesday to be exact. It’s been such an incredible honour and a priviledge for me to meet so many awesome people over the past week, just before I leave. And over the past week, I have heard some really inspiring stories. Stories that touch me deeply.

The last time I had an inspiring week was during the All Inspired Summit in Sydney. A week full of incredible people, with inspiring stories to tell. A woman who once battled depression and attempted suicide, but is now one of the most confident, determined woman I’ve seen. Women who walked over 900kms to raise fund and awareness for youth suicide.

It started with a really simple meet up that progressed on to a chat over dinner and over tea at her house. A woman whose been convinced, all her life, that she’s almost worthless. Hiding under the table was her comfort, and a comfort she still carries on her shoulder. She told her story with doubt, with doubt that it will mean anything. It disturbs me to know such a beautiful girl with a golden heart would believed that she was worthless. And the doubt she has in her voice, in her eyes, of herself and her experience – all the underestimation of herself – makes me want her to look in the mirror of my mind and see who she is in my eyes. However, that is the past, and at present, she’s a girl with big dreams. With aspirations to inspire and change her world and the world, with her feet humbly tucked to the ground. Her intention is simple, her heart is pure, her patience and love is priceless. She’s ready to give a hug, a pat on the back and a comforting shoulder to anyone, anytime.

Next is a man who is the bloke-iest bloke anyone would know. With beard and all that, and male pride so big he needs two chairs when he sits.

The philosophical mind contradicts with the emotions.

When an optimistic mind clash with reality (or emotions), you start questioning yourself.

Everything seemed to be going alright! There is no reason to be upset or miserable about. Or so the mind says. The emotions did a reality check, and reality is, things aren’t alright. And some things need to be sorted. Some things have been left unsaid. Some things have been thought to be ridiculous thoughts. And perception has been convinced that he has moved on. Convinced. Dillusioned.

Parents are the people who were supposed to love you. They sre supposed to do no wrong and they are supposed to be your role models. But what if you grow up in a physically abusive environment? Will your still-to-mature-growing mind thinks that its normal? Or that you are psychologically abused to think that you’re worth as much as nothing? How do you make sense of that coming from someone who were supposed to accept and love you unconditionally?

The story was told by this man who lived through that. Carefully, he used his words. And very cautiously, he avoided any word that hinted sympathy. And through the street lights, this young man who is one head taller than me, and bigger than me, I see a different side of him I didn’t see before. A part opposite from a confident, hip and cool dude who every other cool kid wanted to be. A pure, honest boy, telling his story. His simple story. Not because he wanted attention or sympathy but because I asked.

When you grow up physically and psychologically abused by the person who were supposed to love you unconditionally, life means emptiness. Life IS empty. It’s like wandering in the street with people walking past all too quickly, and no one ever stop and ask ‘how you going’. You feel alone, and you feel controlled. You question, what is life and whose life are you living in? And this young man turned to drugs and alcohol. They became his best friends, his family. They gave him comfort, they numb his pain and they gave his the emotions he needed. At least temporarily.

But that night, under the dim street lights, I see a man with big dreams. A man who have moved past that part of life and is takinMg control of his life. He tells of his hopes and dreams, his vision. He knows what he wants, he knows where he’s heading and he knows how to get there, and without a doubt, I believe him. I believe. He can and he probably will make it.

I asked, “Do you have any regret(s)?” and he said, “Chyeah”. I frowned and with hesitation, I asked, “What is it?”.

“I feel selfish. I feel that I am chasing my dream whilst I could have been there for a lot of my family and friends when they needed someone to be there”.

I lost words. And all I could think of, is this man spells inspiration.

Tonight, sitting here with raindrops crashing on my window, thinking about these people, I feel really lucky that these stories were shared with me. I feel almost undeserving of their honesty, yet, I hope, through their own stories, they are able to see themselves through the mirror of my mind. Of course, I have shortened the very raw, honest stories to a few paragraphs here and to no extend come anywhere near to the amount of the things they have shared.

Through their adversities, they have been able to be better persons. And through their adversities, I vow to be a better person myself.

What’s your story?